What to expect from the AFCON 2015

1) Loads of cards

Don't even know if he's going but Tiote will clamp someone pretty much every single game. As will 90% of the other holding mids at the tournament. Yellows everywhere mate. Should be the odd leg breaker here and there as well.

2) Long penalty shoot-outs

Quite blatant that Burkina Faso will be involved in a penalty shoot-out that lasts for at least 18 penalties. The penalty spot will slightly resemble Hope Solo's va...

3) Annoyingly amusing celebrations

The choreographed celebrations will come out again. Cheeky *eyes emoji* dance moves with all the team. Back flips. Shit hair flapping around. Expect the commentator to say something like "they'll be dancing on the streets of [insert city]" when the players are celebrating a goal.
4) Some proper shit finishing 
Many open goals will be missed. Many one on ones will be missed. Obafemi Martins will miss a sitter even though he's not there. Banter. Bods are laughing. Hysterics. NC

5) Clueless refereeing 

Expecting penalties for ball-to-hand moments and loads of wrong calls with dives. Don't forget the ref letting play go on when there's just been a crunching tackle.

6) Bad defending

Quite a few of the defenders are just there to dance so don't expect the best defending. The defending will be chaotic at times. Bicycle kick clearances are always good though.
Mali have three defenders called Coulibaly btw. Carnage.

7) A very average player will score a screamer 

Oh no. Both Tokelo Rantie and Aristide Bance are going to score screamers, aren't they? They'll both hit the underside of the bar as well ffs. At least 40 yards.

8) Most of the goalkeepers to be rich by the end of the tournament

Should see a lot of acrobatic saves for the cameras. Some will actually be saved but most of the time it'll be the keeper accidentally on purpose throwing the ball in his own net. Hopefully the keepers have their Betfred accounts checked before the game.

9) A regen will have the tournament of his life

Kofi Abdou Olatunde Traore will literally score about 8 goals in the group stage for some made up country and he'll win the golden boot. Then Rubin Kazan will buy him for at least £8m.

10) Everyone will back Ivory Coast to win it

Most people will have money on Ivory Coast despite there actually being quite a few decent teams in the competition. It is understandable to be fair. They have Bony, Yaya, Gervinho etc. Whilst they do have all these good players, they probably won't win. Gonna be class when Guinea nick the last qualification spot over them in their group. (they won't)